Building Bridges: The Social Side of Success - Part 2

As I described in part one of this two-part series, there are seven relationship building best practices that have guided me over the course of my career. At the core of each of them is a “what can I give?” mindset, which allows you to enrich your own life while strengthening your network.

Building on my first three best practices — 1) nurture your network with a spirit of reciprocity, 2) build internal networks through critical thinking and empathy, and 3) strategize, align, and serve external relationships — here are the remaining four ways you can strengthen the social side of your career.

4. Be a Leader, Not a Hero

Not everyone feels naturally gifted or inclined toward human connection, and some avoid relationships as a result. Are our perceived shortcomings in relationship building driven by ego or insecurity? Sometimes it can be difficult to determine, as insecurity often masquerades as ego. Both prevent connection, however, as they each limit vulnerability — a precursor for any meaningful relationship. Never forget that people want real, not perfect.

Egos and insecurities are rampant in the workplace. We all sometimes find ourselves in new or challenging situations where we don’t have all the answers. If we let our egos and insecurities get the best of us, we might push through without asking for help. But if we focus on the relationship, instead of how we’re perceived, we’ll prioritize communication and honesty. Sometimes that means admitting to a client what you don’t know, then working to find out. This is where other relationships come into play. If you set aside your ego and insecurities around not knowing everything, you can tap your network for expertise — and in so doing, strengthen those other relationships simultaneously.

Leadership is not about heroic solo feats. It’s about knowing your strengths, then recognizing and joining forces with the strengths of others to achieve optimal results. A “we not me” mindset fuels this team aspect of relationship building. Regardless of your role in the organization, the success of a project is not about you or me; it’s about the team. If the team succeeds, then you  succeed. I was raised that way, and perhaps, most importantly, I’ve come to understand that succeeding as a team is simply more fun. It’s also especially crucial in construction. It doesn’t matter how smart or talented you are. You’re not constructing a building alone.

5. Maintain Openness and Receptivity

Relationship building is not only about initiative, but openness. It takes two to build a relationship. Are you open when someone tries to connect with you? It is easy to make assumptions and close ourselves off to potential connections. We might think we “have enough connections,” or we may not want to put forth the work required to develop a new relationship, or maybe we make judgments about the other person. Check in with your current subliminal stance: are you projecting the energy of someone who’s approachable or closed off?

Once you do engage, it can be easy to grow discouraged. Humans (including you) are imperfect, which is why it’s important to always assume positive intent in all interactions. Even if something irritated you or you personally experienced a negative outcome, assume positive intent until proven otherwise. This is especially difficult and important in the workplace. Unfavorable interactions are often perceived as a result of negative intent — that somehow they are benefiting at your expense. But business is not a zero sum game. Lean into curiosity to better understand what happened and keep the door to that relationship open. We all deserve a second chance.

If you’re conflict avoidant, you’re less likely to engage in thoughtful investigation to determine what went “wrong.” But people are often unaware of how their actions affect others, and if that feedback is shared, it can be hard to hear. Our own inner critic can be especially harsh. Forgiving ourselves is as important as assuming the positive intent of others.

6. Stay Open to Reconnection

Don’t stress if particular connections come and go. Both personal and professional relationships have seasons, and “successful” relationships need not maintain the same strength of tie forever. There are natural ebbs and flows to most relationships, and that evolution is ok. It’s not always easy or practical to stay connected to everyone you value. Life happens. Give yourself permission to connect with whomever is feasible and extend yourself grace when you can’t. And don’t be afraid to circle back to those individuals in the future. When you feel that you fall short in a relationship, guilt can derail your desire to reconnect. Sometimes something as simple as forwarding a relevant article or reaching out with a question or just saying they crossed your mind is enough to rekindle the connection. When in doubt, reach out.

7. Shift Your Lens Outward

XL is committed to developing people and empowering each employee to learn and stretch, both professionally and personally. But there is such a thing as too much personal development. Know when to take a break from working on yourself. Even leaders can burn out and become too hyper-focused on growth and perfection. Focus on serving and developing your relationships to shift the focus off of you. How can you combine your strengths with the strengths of those around you to produce the best possible outcome? That’s a win for you and your relationships.